The Ugly Truth about Chemo

(Warning:  This post might be too graphic for the faint of heart or the emotionally unstable.)


The Ugly Truth about Chemo is that no matter how much you think you are prepared for it, there is absolutely no preparation!  I remember distinctly the Oncology Nurse giving me a list of a regimen of medications to take daily.  The day before your chemo treatment you start with steroids.  And prior to that they want you to take Antivan for your nerves & to get a good night's sleep (who are they kidding).  They also give you two different nausea/vomitting pills which start the day of chemo when you go home.  The reason for two nausea meds, is just in case the first pill which is for every 8 hours doesn't work - the second pill is a "back-up" plan.  Mind you the nurse who actually gave me the chemo, warned me that second pill - will knock me out for 2 days!  WHAT?!  (Needless to say the one nausea pill carried me for more than 8 hours.) Another medication I was given before treatment was Prilosec for Acid/Heartburn.  (Didn't think I would need this medication but took it daily anyway; and luckily I did because I was so dry the food hurt going down my throat.) And if you get diarhea (which is inevitable), I can take Immodium AD.  (In my opinion the Immodium did not help at all - took it for two days & figured I'll let nature take its course.)  Because I need to be hydrated - I need to take some kind of Gatorade; in my case I would have to drink Pedialyte. The Nurse also told me to get Arm & Hammer Baking Soda - believe it or not this is not only for the cold sores in your mouth that develop the next day , but to use as deodorant.  (Would you believe Arm & Hammer does have an all natural deodorant with some kind of citrus?  And guess what - because it left me too moist,  I developed a rash under my arm!)  I was also told to purchase a new toothbrush with soft bristles and a mild toothpaste like Burt Bees.  (And after a few days of that toothpaste and my mouth tasting like sandpaper - I went back to cleaning my teeth properly with Colgate Total!)  Then I purchased a soft hair brush because they told me to & I didn't understand why if it is inevitable that I would lose my hair.

The medications were sent to my pharmacist as I sat with the Oncology Nurse and by the time I arrived home, the meds were already filled.  All this was done prior to the holidays and my family going away to the Poconos for our first Christmas Vacation.  (The vacation was something new that we never did during the holidays, but decided to take this time to go away before my treatments started.  It was suppose to help me relax and possibly do some soul-searching.  Let's just say - National Lampoon Vacation...)

So the first day of Chemo Treatments [01/06/14 - Monday] :  I arrived before 8 am with my mother & husband.  As soon as I checked-in, I was given a little box for my first day.  A fellow patient of the Dubin Breast Center wanted to give back, so she gives every new patient a box filled with a bar of soap, lotion, lip balm, foot cream and two different face creams - one that can be used for make-up.  The box is called Violets are Blue -  https://violetsarebluenyc.com/shop/chemo-care-package/ .  (I can not tell you how this little box had me in tears.)
Before I started treatment, my vitals were checked & my blood work sent to the lab.  While we wait for the lab results my medical oncologist gives me the pep talk.  Everything will be fine Raquel!  You took all the medical tests necessary to insure proper treatment - PET scan, Hematology, ECHO, & a Genetic test.  Everyone gets the same standard of care here at this Treatment Center.  Private patients get the same treatment as Medicaid patients.  (Yeah right!  lol. )  I can guarantee you Raquel that you will live to be a very old lady & die of some other natural causes.  (huh?!) 
Off I go into the treatment room with mother & hubby in hand.  The room has a glass door with a big screen TV, telephone, a recliner for me - the patient, two chairs for my guests, & wi-fi!  They also served me lunch & for my company.
They start me off with IV steroids, some other pain meds, nausea meds, fluids - all by 10:30.  I was given a total of 4 different chemo treatments, which lasted me until 6 pm!  This way I did not have to return the next day to finish the treatment.  I did anyway have to return 24 hours later [Tuesday] to receive a booster shot for my immune system & white blood cells.

Now here we are Wednesday:  The pain in the leg starts (which is a result of the Neulasta shot), the dryness all over my body, the flu-like body aches, fatigue to the point where you feel winded, & the nausea!  And here goes my husband, dragging me down the hallway of my building to make me move & exercise my lungs. And all I want to do is curl up in bed & wimper.  By Friday morning I being dragged outside in frigid weather & made to walk around the building, from the back door exit to the front door lobby.  GRRR!!!  

At least Saturday I was able to do some laundry & iron.  But was in bed by 8 pm!  Then the leg pain starts & its getting increasingly worst.  My face is red & blotchy like I got a bad rash.  The body aches are like I was in a car accident.  The cold chill in my body feels like convulsions.  Never knew that toast, Pedialyte, & Vaseline would become my best allies!!

Finally Sunday, I decided four days without proper sleep is madness!  I pull out the secret stash that I started to buy before the holidays "just in case."  I already had asked my medical oncologist during her prep talk about the medicinal marijuana.  She goes on to tell me that some of the chemo treatments are plant based & "all natural."  But she can give me a Mary Jane pill?  I declined.  And lo & behold a fellow church member who went through chemo twice, told me to light up?!

And let me tell y'all - there was no more of that excruciating leg pain, no nausea, no body aches or flu-like symptoms, & I was able to get more than 4 hours of sleep!  AMEN.

Back to the Ugly Truth about Chemo:  No blog tells you how you are going to feel mentally, physically & spiritually.  (Spiritually - you don't even have the energy to pray;  and I pray a rosary daily including at least an hour of devotion.)  Physically you feel like "The Fly (1986)" & Mentally you feel like you are going through an outer body experience that is inexplainable.  But as soon as you see that look of concern in your childrens' eyes...All Fear becomes Motivation!!  

As always, please join me in this Journey of PRAYER, LOVE & HOPE...

Look on the Brighter Side of Things?

On Monday evening, I went to my first Support Group for Breast Cancer Patients.  I decided to go to a Support Group "in-person" instead of the on-line support groups I joined - because I wanted to talk to more than just an Avatar.  The Social Worker who oversees the group, asked me as I walked in - "when was I  Diagnosed and when did I start treatment and what kind of treatments I am receiving" - so I kindly told her that I was newly Dx about 2-3 weeks ago, I have not started treatment and that I was waiting for a cure - a Miracle.  Yeah she was hollering!  She says to me "everyone who walks in here is waiting for a cure!"  I start to laugh and told her - No you don't understand, I asked Jesus to perform a Miracle on me in which they will not find any Breast Cancer and I will not have to do chemo, surgery or radiation!  The look on her face, Priceless...Anyway, the ladies in the group were very supportive and at the same time very "sad" looking.  I mentioned to them, that I along with my husband and parents decided we should not tell the kids.  I'm going to TRY to retain the "normalcy" of my household as much as possible.  I also stated that I was taking herbal remedies and what was there opinion of it.  One lady mentioned it can be used as a Preventive measure and can be Integrated with my treatments but not as a sole Alternative.    

On Tuesday, I went for Genetic Counseling to take a BRAC test.  They took a blood sample from me to see  if I am genetically prone due to my DNA, to carry Breast Cancer or Ovarian cells.  I get the results in about 3-4 weeks.  (However, I do not the think the results of this test will determine the kind of treatment I will receive.)

On Thursday, is when it ALL hit me.  I have Breast Cancer and I am going to have Chemo!   I met the Medical Oncologist who says "I have good news Raquel"!  And as reassuring as she sounded - I was invisibly shaken and depressed!  I realized she was the one running the whole show (my breast cancer medical team).  Apparently, the Medical Oncologist was very enthusiastic and excited about some new drug the FDA approved for my "type" of Breast Cancer - IDC (HER2+, Grade 3). She did not want to use the word "cure" but said this treatment has long-lasting effects - where I will live to be an old lady and die of something else.  WHAT?!   Anyway she introduced me to my Chemo nurse who will help me through the whole process and that I will keep in touch with for the duration of my treatments that will last a year!!

On Friday, I had a "teaching" class for my whole family and me (which lasted an hour) -  to talk about the different types of medication I will be taking for chemo and the duration of each treatment.  I'll come in every three weeks for 6 cycles.  For example, I'll come in on Monday morning & will be given 3 different types of chemo (which will last half a day about 5-6 hours).  Then Tuesday I'll come in for another 2 medications (also chemo drugs) to target those HER2+ cancer cells.  The following day on Wednesday is the booster shot they will give me to help keep the white blood cell count and the bone marrow.  All of this to then return in three weeks to start the regimen again.  The whole process to last for 18 weeks.  The bad news - I'll start to lose my hair after the first treatment.  BUT the good news is it will start to grow again after six weeks.  Another bad news, I'll probably go into menopause - isn't that good news?  

"Look on the Brighter Side of Things" is a statement my husband tells us in regards to my Breast Cancer being Treatable almost to the extent of being "curable" - the point being that it's NOT fatal... 

 

In any event, unless my PET scan next week shows NO signs of breast cancer or any other cancer (that "it" has NOT spread to another part of my body) - the reality is I WILL need Chemo & I WILL have surgery!!

As always, please join me in this Journey of PRAYER, LOVE & HOPE...

There is Definitely HOPE...

 So as many of you know I went to the BS (Breast Surgeon) on Tuesday and he "supposedly" gave me my options - Chemo, surgery, then Radiation.  While I was there they scheduled me for the following day - Wednesday, for another Biopsy (in the underarm) called Axillary Lymph Nodes.  The samples were hard to extract because they were small - they had to do it 5x.  It was really uncomfortable and of course my anxiety was running away with me again. I kept praying in my mind to St. Peregrine - which I just found out was the Patron Saint of Cancer.  We finished rather quickly (last procedure - Biopsy of the right breast - took a total of 3 hours).  Therefore my parents and I went to eat brunch.  Afterwards my mother and I headed to the South Bronx -  an appointment we had with an Herbalist - Holistic practitioner.  (No, not a "Spiritual" practitioner or the other kind of "herbalist" lol. )  So after two hours and a bill totaling $358, I walked out with a bag of 12 bottles of herbs ( I needed a total of 17) !  From herbs to clean my Liver/Kidney, Bowels, to Detox, to Lymph/Bacteria, to cleaning the Breast Ducts, and I did not even get them all.  I had to order some online because the place I went to ran out.  I know you are probably thinking Rocky lost her mind or am I desperate?!  Both.  I figured whatever I can use "naturally" to help my body get back on track for the past 20 years...
I read on several online support groups, that some of the women who already received cancer treatments are using these homeopathic remedies to help clean out their system from the after effects of these cancer treatments.  Some even suggested they would have done the herbs first before surgery or treatments had they known about them.  {I told you guys before I already had prior knowledge of these herbs and did my own research before I went to this particular Holistic Practitioner.}
I also ordered an herb (fruit), Puerto Ricans & Hispanics call Guanabana - in English called Soursop.  Some other places like Amazon or Zen Medica - call it Graviola.  It's some kind of "miracle fruit."  BUT as with any herb or food in general - you have to take things in moderation.  "Too much of any good thing is not always GOOD."
My whole take on this is:  if I can avoid Chemo or no Radiation or less surgery , why not try the Holistic approach - it can ONLY help.  Can it possibly make me any worst than I am now?!

And for those of you who "really" know me - I been praying (like I always have) - for a MIRACLE!  I believe in the Glory of GOD and of course the Powerful Intercession of MARY!  (Can you tell I'm not really trying to have Chemo or Radiation?!)  Let me be clear for all those that think I "suddenly" had some kind of "Epiphany."  (And not that I have to anything to prove!)  However, I would like to prove to certain people the Miraculous Powers of GOD...

Not to prove anything:  the results of the Biopsy of the Axillary Lymph Nodes came back negative - in other words, the cancer did not spread to the lymph nodes!  And I quit smoking - cold turkey!  (I think the herbs are making my cigarettes taste like Ajax in my mouth.)


 And as always, please join me in this Journey of PRAYER, LOVE & HOPE...

Treament vs. Herbs

I went in today to see my Breast Specialist/Surgeon (BS), and although he could not tell me specifically my stage of the "mass" which is only 1.0 cm, he did say I was a Grade 3 and I am HER2+ (whatever that means).  He goes on to say they would like to treat me with chemo first (to shrink the "lesion"), surgery & then radiation.  Of course my mother and I are sitting there with our mouths open.  Hey, wait didn't he say I have options?!  But because of my medical history - HTN & Diabetes, healing from surgery can be difficult.  Treatment for chemo would be about 5 weeks.  I never thought to ask how that works?  And surgery is a decision between a lumpectomy or a mastectomy.  But reassured me they can do reconstructive surgery if I have the mastectomy.  So now I'll have one ta ta upright & the other sagging?!  Oh yeah great options...
In the meantime, I have to see the hematologist (because I have low platelets), and have to do a genetic testing done -  called BRCA (because both maternal grandparents died of cancer).  GRRREATTT (In my Tony the Tiger voice) !!

This past weekend as I do my researching online about my options - I was thinking about my herbal remedies I use to concoct for my clients.  Mind you this came to me as I was doing my daily ritual of prayers and my rosary.  So when I finished praying I went to get my Back to Eden book, that list common ailments and diseases, and the herbs used to treat them.  Then I get a phone call from an old friend that validated my past with herbs, and said after reading my prior posts he realized that I did not mention my herbs and thought I would consider the Holistic approach?  I told him I was considering it.  Then another validation came to my mother late one night while she was asleep and she received a phone call long distance - to see a Holistic Practitioner in the South Bronx!  (And yes I checked her credentials with the AHMA.)  They said they might actually HEAL me of Breast Cancer within 2 months?!   Now I'm a "practitioner" of many things -  but even I'm somewhat of a skeptic of this news.  

So my dilemma is to wait and do the Holistic approach first - which consist of teas, herbs, detox, diet, etc... or my treatments first?  Perhaps a combination of the two?

Although I will use the marvels of modern medicine, I prefer to use the wisdom and guidance of my ancestors with herbs...

As I stated before, please join me in this Journey of PRAYER, LOVE and HOPE!  

Happy Thanksgiving & Happy Birthday....

Although today is the day after Thanksgiving (affectionately called Black Friday), I decided to wish EVERYONE a Happy Thanksgiving today - but not on purpose.  I happened to be busy yesterday with my older son's 10th Birthday!  It also would have been my sisters' Lina's 39th birthday.  Since my son is 10 years old, that means my sister Lina has also been gone for 10 years.  So yes it is a bittersweet holiday for us; and in lieu of my current medical situation - this Thanksgiving has more meaning for us...

 But it was really meaningful for me that so many of my friends reached out to me - by phone or text or via Fb; and for that I am very Grateful and Humble!!  (And I thought no one reads my posts.)  As I talked to a friend of mine who called me long distance, he mentioned how he thought my post was about my sisters and sons' Birthday.  And to his shock and dismay, he was actually reading about my grim situation.  However not so grim because he was actually laughing at my post because he truly knows my sarcasm.  lol.  He also mention that he was glad I found an outlet ( deep down inside - I wish that outlet was alcohol), and did not expect me to Blog about it - and then he realized I have been blogging for over a year.  So this morning I decided I would write a totally different Blog about this "IT" journey.  I will remain to post to my other Blog - "Is It Me or..." - about my weekly frustrations and everyday life.  (Perhaps in my other Blog I will write about two family members who called yesterday - one who did not mention "IT" at all and the other who I felt could care less but called for gossip because she probably heard through the grapevine I was going through something.  Boy was she in shock when she found out about "IT." )

And while you are still celebrating Thanksgiving and eating leftovers, perhaps Black Friday shopping - remember how Thankful and Grateful you are to have family and friends this whole Holiday Season.
But first and foremost, be Thankful and Grateful to God for his MERCY...

As a side note:  the Best part of my Thanksgiving is when we all stood in a circle to join hands and pray, I was not sure what to pray (and yes b/c I was at a loss of words) - I looked over to my left to my oldest son to say Grace and the youngest one (on my right) starts to recite THE LORD'S PRAYER (The Our Father) ...How Glorious is that?!  (More shocking was my husband actually praying with us and knowing the words.)  Ha!


 As I said before,  I hope you join me in this Journey of PRAYER, LOVE and HOPE...

OMG! I have "IT"

So I have Breast Cancer, now what?  Last Friday I went for a Biopsy of the right breast.  The procedure itself was painless.  The anticipation of having it done caused me great anxiety the days preceding the procedure.  After being there for a few hours I was able to go home with a ice pack in my bra and hope for the best when I get my results after the weekend.  I really do not know what I was thinking?  I figured the "mass" which the Radiologist called a lesion - not a tumor, would be benign and I can a have a simple surgical procedure to have it removed!

Monday comes and I am a little not really worried, and the Radiologist calls me at 4:30 pm (as soon as I come home from picking up the kids from school).  She says  "I have you results from the Biopsy and unfortunately you have Breast Cancer.  I'm sorry Raquel."

I don't know how I managed to muster the words - "it's ok, it's not your fault".  She says, well the good news is - it is only 1 cm big and with all the new technology we have for Breast Cancer - it is treatable!  You already know at this point everything she is telling me sounds like Charlie Brown.  The Radiologist proceeds to give me a few phone numbers of some Breast Surgeons/Specialist.  Then she asks if I have any questions, (which by now my thoughts are numb) - and if I need anything to call her.
I hang up the phone took a deep breath and started to make some phone calls to these Breast Surgeons that the Radiologist referred me to.

I am not the kind of person who freaks out as soon as I get some bad news, because it takes me a minute (or actually a few days), to process what is really going on.  So of course, it is almost 5 pm at this time and the offices are closing and the receptionists who kindly answers the phone says, she will return my call tomorrow or I can call her.  I tell her to call me ( because I am thinking in the back of my mind - this is all a bad dream and when I wake up tomorrow its' going to be all good.)

At this point I tell my husband who is non-reactive and he says, everything is going to be all right!  I was so annoyed with him at this point that everything he said after that sounded like the Muppets.  A little later, I have to tell my mother.  I can not even describe the look on her face - not shocked, not upset, not worried - more like PISSED?  And here I am thinking again, she is mad at me because of my cigarette smoking.  She pulls out her big bottle of wine from her little purse and after a moment, asks me what the doctor said and what's next.  I do not know if she was trying to process this news or what?!

Anyway, as my husband and her start to chat and I patiently ignore them - I am on my laptop looking for additional info and decided to join an online support group for those with Breast Cancer. I needed someone to talk to or to listen to who had experience and knew what I was going through.  Because I already knew calling people with this shit, was going to blow their minds; and I did not want to hear anyone crying because Rocky is trying to stay strong (and be non-emotional).

So I started to have vodka shots - and let me say I do not know how many but I remained sober.
Then next day ( Tuesday) when I take my oldest son to school, some of the parents asked did I get my results.  Confidently I tell them 'Yes' and I have "IT".  This is why it is not always good to tell people what is going on in your life.  The horrified look on their faces - INDESCRIBABLE.  One parent was so distraught she had to go back home because she said she forgot what she had to do that day.  Inside I was laughing at her (I don't know why?), but I felt sorry for her.

When I return home, I get a call from my (PCP) Primary Care Physician - who asked if  I needed any help making appointments and if I needed someone to talk to I can come on in.  I do not know about you, but I really do not want to tell  anyone - but I do need someone to talk to...{There is actually a woman I met online in that support group who told me that as soon as she found out she called all her family and friends?!  And their  reactions made her feel worse.}  And being that I did not know how to tell people about "IT" I decide to write about it in my Blog.

And for those who know about Breast Cancer, I have Ductal Carcinoma but not sure if it is Invasive or the other kind.  And for those who do not know about Breast Cancer, there are about 4 different kinds and of course the Stages, but I will not know which until I meet with the (BS) Breast Specialist until next week...

So I hope all of you will join me in this JOURNEY of Prayer, Love and Hope...