Although today is the day after Thanksgiving (affectionately called Black Friday), I decided to wish EVERYONE a Happy Thanksgiving today - but not on purpose. I happened to be busy yesterday with my older son's 10th Birthday! It also would have been my sisters' Lina's 39th birthday. Since my son is 10 years old, that means my sister Lina has also been gone for 10 years. So yes it is a bittersweet holiday for us; and in lieu of my current medical situation - this Thanksgiving has more meaning for us...
But it was really meaningful for me that so many of my friends reached out to me - by phone or text or via Fb; and for that I am very Grateful and Humble!! (And I thought no one reads my posts.) As I talked to a friend of mine who called me long distance, he mentioned how he thought my post was about my sisters and sons' Birthday. And to his shock and dismay, he was actually reading about my grim situation. However not so grim because he was actually laughing at my post because he truly knows my sarcasm. lol. He also mention that he was glad I found an outlet ( deep down inside - I wish that outlet was alcohol), and did not expect me to Blog about it - and then he realized I have been blogging for over a year. So this morning I decided I would write a totally different Blog about this "IT" journey. I will remain to post to my other Blog - "Is It Me or..." - about my weekly frustrations and everyday life. (Perhaps in my other Blog I will write about two family members who called yesterday - one who did not mention "IT" at all and the other who I felt could care less but called for gossip because she probably heard through the grapevine I was going through something. Boy was she in shock when she found out about "IT." )
And while you are still celebrating Thanksgiving and eating leftovers, perhaps Black Friday shopping - remember how Thankful and Grateful you are to have family and friends this whole Holiday Season.
But first and foremost, be Thankful and Grateful to God for his MERCY...
As a side note: the Best part of my Thanksgiving is when we all stood in a circle to join hands and pray, I was not sure what to pray (and yes b/c I was at a loss of words) - I looked over to my left to my oldest son to say Grace and the youngest one (on my right) starts to recite THE LORD'S PRAYER (The Our Father) ...How Glorious is that?! (More shocking was my husband actually praying with us and knowing the words.) Ha!
As I said before, I hope you join me in this Journey of PRAYER, LOVE and HOPE...
Friday, November 29, 2013
OMG! I have "IT"
So I have Breast Cancer, now what? Last Friday I went for a Biopsy of the right breast. The procedure itself was painless. The anticipation of having it done caused me great anxiety the days preceding the procedure. After being there for a few hours I was able to go home with a ice pack in my bra and hope for the best when I get my results after the weekend. I really do not know what I was thinking? I figured the "mass" which the Radiologist called a lesion - not a tumor, would be benign and I can a have a simple surgical procedure to have it removed!
Monday comes and I am a little not really worried, and the Radiologist calls me at 4:30 pm (as soon as I come home from picking up the kids from school). She says "I have you results from the Biopsy and unfortunately you have Breast Cancer. I'm sorry Raquel."
I don't know how I managed to muster the words - "it's ok, it's not your fault". She says, well the good news is - it is only 1 cm big and with all the new technology we have for Breast Cancer - it is treatable! You already know at this point everything she is telling me sounds like Charlie Brown. The Radiologist proceeds to give me a few phone numbers of some Breast Surgeons/Specialist. Then she asks if I have any questions, (which by now my thoughts are numb) - and if I need anything to call her.
I hang up the phone took a deep breath and started to make some phone calls to these Breast Surgeons that the Radiologist referred me to.
I am not the kind of person who freaks out as soon as I get some bad news, because it takes me a minute (or actually a few days), to process what is really going on. So of course, it is almost 5 pm at this time and the offices are closing and the receptionists who kindly answers the phone says, she will return my call tomorrow or I can call her. I tell her to call me ( because I am thinking in the back of my mind - this is all a bad dream and when I wake up tomorrow its' going to be all good.)
At this point I tell my husband who is non-reactive and he says, everything is going to be all right! I was so annoyed with him at this point that everything he said after that sounded like the Muppets. A little later, I have to tell my mother. I can not even describe the look on her face - not shocked, not upset, not worried - more like PISSED? And here I am thinking again, she is mad at me because of my cigarette smoking. She pulls out her big bottle of wine from her little purse and after a moment, asks me what the doctor said and what's next. I do not know if she was trying to process this news or what?!
Anyway, as my husband and her start to chat and I patiently ignore them - I am on my laptop looking for additional info and decided to join an online support group for those with Breast Cancer. I needed someone to talk to or to listen to who had experience and knew what I was going through. Because I already knew calling people with this shit, was going to blow their minds; and I did not want to hear anyone crying because Rocky is trying to stay strong (and be non-emotional).
So I started to have vodka shots - and let me say I do not know how many but I remained sober.
Then next day ( Tuesday) when I take my oldest son to school, some of the parents asked did I get my results. Confidently I tell them 'Yes' and I have "IT". This is why it is not always good to tell people what is going on in your life. The horrified look on their faces - INDESCRIBABLE. One parent was so distraught she had to go back home because she said she forgot what she had to do that day. Inside I was laughing at her (I don't know why?), but I felt sorry for her.
When I return home, I get a call from my (PCP) Primary Care Physician - who asked if I needed any help making appointments and if I needed someone to talk to I can come on in. I do not know about you, but I really do not want to tell anyone - but I do need someone to talk to...{There is actually a woman I met online in that support group who told me that as soon as she found out she called all her family and friends?! And their reactions made her feel worse.} And being that I did not know how to tell people about "IT" I decide to write about it in my Blog.
And for those who know about Breast Cancer, I have Ductal Carcinoma but not sure if it is Invasive or the other kind. And for those who do not know about Breast Cancer, there are about 4 different kinds and of course the Stages, but I will not know which until I meet with the (BS) Breast Specialist until next week...
So I hope all of you will join me in this JOURNEY of Prayer, Love and Hope...
Monday comes and I am a little not really worried, and the Radiologist calls me at 4:30 pm (as soon as I come home from picking up the kids from school). She says "I have you results from the Biopsy and unfortunately you have Breast Cancer. I'm sorry Raquel."
I don't know how I managed to muster the words - "it's ok, it's not your fault". She says, well the good news is - it is only 1 cm big and with all the new technology we have for Breast Cancer - it is treatable! You already know at this point everything she is telling me sounds like Charlie Brown. The Radiologist proceeds to give me a few phone numbers of some Breast Surgeons/Specialist. Then she asks if I have any questions, (which by now my thoughts are numb) - and if I need anything to call her.
I hang up the phone took a deep breath and started to make some phone calls to these Breast Surgeons that the Radiologist referred me to.
I am not the kind of person who freaks out as soon as I get some bad news, because it takes me a minute (or actually a few days), to process what is really going on. So of course, it is almost 5 pm at this time and the offices are closing and the receptionists who kindly answers the phone says, she will return my call tomorrow or I can call her. I tell her to call me ( because I am thinking in the back of my mind - this is all a bad dream and when I wake up tomorrow its' going to be all good.)
At this point I tell my husband who is non-reactive and he says, everything is going to be all right! I was so annoyed with him at this point that everything he said after that sounded like the Muppets. A little later, I have to tell my mother. I can not even describe the look on her face - not shocked, not upset, not worried - more like PISSED? And here I am thinking again, she is mad at me because of my cigarette smoking. She pulls out her big bottle of wine from her little purse and after a moment, asks me what the doctor said and what's next. I do not know if she was trying to process this news or what?!
Anyway, as my husband and her start to chat and I patiently ignore them - I am on my laptop looking for additional info and decided to join an online support group for those with Breast Cancer. I needed someone to talk to or to listen to who had experience and knew what I was going through. Because I already knew calling people with this shit, was going to blow their minds; and I did not want to hear anyone crying because Rocky is trying to stay strong (and be non-emotional).
So I started to have vodka shots - and let me say I do not know how many but I remained sober.
Then next day ( Tuesday) when I take my oldest son to school, some of the parents asked did I get my results. Confidently I tell them 'Yes' and I have "IT". This is why it is not always good to tell people what is going on in your life. The horrified look on their faces - INDESCRIBABLE. One parent was so distraught she had to go back home because she said she forgot what she had to do that day. Inside I was laughing at her (I don't know why?), but I felt sorry for her.
When I return home, I get a call from my (PCP) Primary Care Physician - who asked if I needed any help making appointments and if I needed someone to talk to I can come on in. I do not know about you, but I really do not want to tell anyone - but I do need someone to talk to...{There is actually a woman I met online in that support group who told me that as soon as she found out she called all her family and friends?! And their reactions made her feel worse.} And being that I did not know how to tell people about "IT" I decide to write about it in my Blog.
And for those who know about Breast Cancer, I have Ductal Carcinoma but not sure if it is Invasive or the other kind. And for those who do not know about Breast Cancer, there are about 4 different kinds and of course the Stages, but I will not know which until I meet with the (BS) Breast Specialist until next week...
So I hope all of you will join me in this JOURNEY of Prayer, Love and Hope...
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